ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down

  Fav 31 1201 6759

  share tweet
  

• (804): View more from Virginia

  he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...

  Fav 30 4305 1172

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it

  Fav 17 7438 1416

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.

  Fav 9 4677 1616

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?

  Fav 4 2360 1121

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night

  Fav 16 1452 2645

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (514): View more from Quebec

  She just gave me a free latte.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.

  Fav 7 3824 1255

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.

  Fav 2 2329 861

  share tweet
  

• (765): View more from Indiana

  Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.

  Fav 8 2114 1548

  share tweet
  

• (831): View more from California

  My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover

  Fav 16 896 2246

  share tweet
  

• (949): View more from California

  i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.

  Fav 7 1080 1072

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (425): View more from Washington

  I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.

  Fav 2 828 509

  share tweet
  

• (801): View more from Utah

  You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous

  Fav 1 1073 803

  share tweet
  

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again

  Fav 4 495 387

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors

  Fav 1 236 173

  share tweet
  

Randomize