1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
