Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
