I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Randomize
