i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
