since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
