Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Randomize