What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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