Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
