Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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