dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
