Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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