i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
