it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
