now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
