its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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