The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
