I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
