Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He felt like a one man threesome
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
