how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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