Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
