I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
