Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
