So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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