I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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