I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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