I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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