So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
