walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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