I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
