I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
