I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
