Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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