He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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