We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize