When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
