i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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