she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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