I think scott just propositioned me for sex
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize