You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize