The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
