i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
