Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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