just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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