did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
