From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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