My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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