You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
