bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
