Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
