you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Help. Why am I so naked?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
