90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well I just put wine in my tea
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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