dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
