All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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