where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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