oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
