Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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