I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
