If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
