I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
porn star boner night. come get it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
