Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
