maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
