When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Will exercising make me less horny?
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