I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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