I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
