he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
