It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
