my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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