Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
